How (Not) to Write Great Characters

Photo credit: magia3e on Flickr
It’s no secret that characters can make or break a story. A poorly written or else unlikable character can bog down an otherwise interesting story and truly interesting characters can improve an already enjoyable story. Although it’s relatively easy to identify a well-written character, it can be significantly more difficult to figure out how to write one.

So without further ado, I give you ten foolproof secrets to writing captivating characters. You can thank me later.

10 Secrets for Extraordinary Character-Writing Success*:

  1. Don’t introduce any characters in the first chapter. When a reader picks up a book, they aren't immediately ready to meet a new character. The most important thing is to ground them in the world of your book. Spend the first chapter describing the grass, the political system, the language and laws, but don’t even THINK about introducing a character until the second chapter (you’re thinking about it, aren't you? Stop that. Stop that right now).

  2. Epic. Names. No one wants to read about a character named Jimmy Brown. Horationitus Mooncloud Bloodbone on the other hand, makes for a very interesting character name. Bonus points if you can’t pronounce it.

  3. For character inspiration, consult Stereotypes-R-Us. Readers are already accustomed to seeing stereotypical characters, and thus are immediately attracted to them. Don’t shy away from using stereotypical characters—embrace them like a baby panda cuddling with its mother. There’s no faster way to scare readers away than writing characters who break the mold. 

  4. Make your villain bald. With a (preferably twirly) mustache. No one will take him seriously if he has a full head of hair and no mustache to twirl around his finger while coming up with a maniacal plan to destroy the world with his death ray (because every villain worth his salt has a death ray. It’s part of the job description).

  5. Make your hero flawless. Unless your protagonist looks like a child of Persephone, has a genius IQ and a heart of gold, your readers will immediately reject him. The hero must be perfect in every way, because no one wants to read about a character with actual flaws.

  6. Only bad guys make mistakes. Just like the real world.

  7. Include a Mary Sue in every novel you write. As they say, write what you know—and who knows how to write you better than you do? That’s what I thought.

  8. Make sure everyone sounds the same. You don’t want to confuse your readers with varied voices. If you take away all of the dialogue tags and you can’t tell who says what just by the way they say it, then you know you've succeeded.

  9. Use cardboard cut-out minor characters. They’re not really important, anyway, so no need to bother developing them. Besides, you don’t want them to distract your readers from the main plot and the other, more important characters like Horationitus.

  10. Kill them all in the end. You don’t want to leave your readers lying awake at night wondering about your characters’ futures, do you? I didn't think so. Spare them the worry and just kill them all off in the end. As a bonus, it makes for a memorable last page. (As a double bonus, give Horationitus some epic last words).

*= Oh, the sarcasm! Please don’t do any of these things. Your readers (and Horationitus) will thank you.

So there you have it—the secrets to writing brilliant characters. What would you add to the list?

38 comments:

Chihuahua Zero said...

I know plenty of people will argue over point 10 (the good ol' "Kill Em' All" tactic), but those kinds of stories tend to be polarizing enough. Still, great list.

Rik Davnall said...

Just so you know, I'm totally going to have to write a character called Horationitus now. I already know what story he's going in...

Hmmm. My writing tip for the day would appear to be: if you need a character name, collect the ones people suggest as jokes and see where they fit in. That's the second character name in this story born of a joke.

Ava Jae said...

The last point can occasionally work (while this list is supposedly for every case) but it's very difficult to master and usually not the most popular ending amongst readers (although there are always exceptions). Thanks for commenting! 

Ava Jae said...

Ha! Let me know how things go with Horationitus. :D 

That's a very amusing tip (and it sounds pretty fun). Might I ask what the first character name born of a joke is? 

Lauren said...

"You don’t want to leave your readers lying awake at night wondering about your characters’ futures, do you?"
That made me laugh.

Epic last words - totally need to have epic last words.

I would add to the list "make your hero tall, strong, and slender. No one wants to read about a hero who is normal, weak, or fat." ;)

Ava Jae said...

That's a wonderful addition, Lauren, especially considering I seemed to have forgotten to mention the "body of Adonis" requirement. Ah well. 

Glad to hear you enjoyed the post! Thanks for the addition. :)

Rachel Frost said...

I would add, "Make your villain boring." Nobody likes a flamboyant or psychotic villain, and we don't want our readers having  nightmares, so certainly don't give them creative means of foiling the hero's plans.

Ava Jae said...

Wonderful addition! We certainly don't want our readers actually worrying about whether or not the hero can defeat the villain!

Colin Kerr said...

These are great watchpoints for character debugging. The most common issue I raise with works-in-progress is that their characters all have echoes of the writer, often in voice, or sense of humor, but also in how they set goals and solve problems, as you say in point 8. Things like that are easier to hear in someone else's writing than in one's own. If you never get frustrated with any of your characters, you may have too much in common with them.

One thing I'd add to the list, related to #3: Every life is defined by ONE incident. Don't complicate your characters with subtlety or counterpoint. Pick a tragedy in the past, and reflect it in every word and action.

Matthew Rowe said...

I enjoy these lists. How about:
All the women your hero meets must be sexy and beautiful!
The hero must be able to get the girl in the first meeting or else no one will look up to him.

I do struggle with making characters different from myself. It's very hard to write from a mind set you have never experienced. But piece by piece... Well, I think I make a lovely facade of it with some convincing character moments. The reader puts them together in their head and it makes a solid character to them. I hope I'm not too vague. It's kind of how I do my research too. They say 'write about what you know' but no one has ever known what it's like to be alive for thousands of years, to be immortal and to fear death for the first time. So I make logical steps. Readers interpret.

Daniel Swensen said...

Ava, I love your sarcastic posts so much. Although now I do have to rename my protagonist from Hieronymous Ravenfleece Darkbringer  Gloom. You're always making work for me.

J. A. Bennett said...

lol, these are always funny. 
Only bad guys make
mistakes. Just like the real world. Love it!

JFeijten said...

You do like sarcasm, don't you? ^^ Love these posts! Every time when I click on one of them I expect to read some very useful tips, but no, wrong again xD Well, not entirely, because it is helpful in a way off course :-)

Ava Jae said...

"If you never get frustrated with any of your characters, you may have too much in common with them." 

I think that's a fantastic point, Colin. It can be difficult (especially at first) to write characters vastly different from the writer. I think most characters have some traces of their author, but you're absolutely right that too much is a problem. 

I also like your addition to the list. Thank you! 

Ava Jae said...

To add to your list addition--if your hero is a woman, then all men she meets must be Greek gods as far as looks go. Also, I enjoy making these lists as well. They're fun to write. ^_^ 

Creating characters different from yourself is a challenge, especially when you're first starting out. As I told Colin, I think all characters have some traces of their author, but it becomes a problem when they're too alike. In the end, I think the logical steps you talk about are a good way to really learn about your character. I've found that from first draft to later drafts, my characters tend to change as I really get to know them. 

Ava Jae said...

Thank you, Dan! I love writing my sarcastic posts. They're just as amusing to write as I hope they are to read. 

Also, I apologize about Heironymous. Perhaps he can join the ranks with Hortionitus. :)

Ava Jae said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Jenny! That line was one of my favorites, as well. ^__^

Ava Jae said...

I do love sarcasm--it's true. And I'm glad you enjoy these posts! As I've told others, they're very fun to write, so I'm thrilled that so many of you like them as much as I do. :)

Silent Pages said...

Let's see, what to add?

Make EVERYONE in the book love your main character, and/or be IN love with your main character. Even the villains. Because if all the characters love them, of COURSE your readers will love them too. ;)

Ava Jae said...

Yes! Fabulous addition. What better way to remind your readers to love your main character than to make sure everyone in the novel loves them? 

Lauren I. Ruiz said...

Haha! :)

GriffithJen said...

I agree with all of this snark--except the death ray. Death rays forever!

Ava Jae said...

^_^

Ava Jae said...

I feel like "Death rays forever" could be put on a shirt. It'd be a fun shirt. :)

Andi-Roo said...

I love your description of the bad guy --- twirly mustache! But seriously, there's nothing I detest more than reading or watching an "evil just for the sake of evil" antagonist. You can usually tell in a movie that this guy is going to have zero redeeming qualities when the music gives away his mono-brow. I will never forget a book I read called *SAVE THE CAT!* by Blake Snyder --- basically he stipulates that even the worst bad guy should have some characteristic that makes the audience feel sympathy for his plight --- like running into a burning building to... (say it with me)... save a cat. So yeah, your point about the bad guy obviously struck home with me! :)


Andi-Roo
/// @theworld4realz

http://www.theworld4realz.com/



theworldforrealz@gmail.com

Ava Jae said...

I've always found that my favorite antagonists are the ones that you can sympathize on some level with--or, even better, are tempted to actually like as a character. 

Kay Fey said...

That was brilliant, especially the villain with the twirly mustache! I guess if one wants to write a stereotypical Silent Film with the heroine tied to the tracks, this will work...

Ava Jae said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Kay! I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're probably right. Very amusing to think about. :)

Joanne Macgregor said...

No 2! No 2!
One of the reasons I can hardly read Fantasy or Sci Fi: the bizarre, crazy-stupid names. It's just too much effort.

Ava Jae said...

When I visited a nearby B&N recently, I picked up a book, read the first sentence and thought the protagonist's name was stupid and immediately put the book back. Names make a huge impact on the story--and stupid/crazy/ridiculous names can very easily mar an otherwise great book (at least, in my opinion).

chippy said...

I disagree with #5... you need to transform your character and create something root for...he needs to have flaws that continue to put him in harms way, obstacles or there is no drama.

Ava Jae said...

I absolutely agree that characters must have flaws--as I indicated at the bottom of the post, this whole post is sarcastic, so none of the "tips" are meant to be taken seriously. :)

cynthiarox said...

This is really hilarious. Loving it :)

Ava Jae said...

Thank you! ^_^

ReadItCarefully said...

Definitely make your protagonist a super-buff, extremely smart white guy with crisp, blue eyes and a flowing mane of blonde, shimmering hair. Anything else and your readers won't be able to relate to him (especially the super-buff, smart, blonde, male readers.)

Ava Jae said...

Love it! Great addition. He should also have Shakespeare memorized and the perfect hair-flip and be an expert martial artist/hopeless romantic/master of everything. Otherwise he'd be unrelatable AND unrealistic.

Mystery Writer said...

(If male) Your hero must be a hopeless romantic, especially if they're a teenage boy.
(If female) Your character must have two love interests, or be uninterested in love entirely, spawning the idea until the end when a boy shows her just how important it is to have a boyfriend.

Ava Jae said...

Heh. Ohhhh sadmaking clichés. Thanks for the addition!

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